Aaah les ordis...(en anglais)

[Michele Bugliaro]

UNDERSTANDING COMPUTER JARGON


When I went to college in the 1980's, I heard a lot of words like "data input" and "beta version." They confused me. I wanted desperately to know what people were talking about, what Big Secret resided in the computer industry.

Now that I've worked in a computer company for the last few years, I've gained an insider's perspective. I decided to share my
knowledge with the uninitiated by creating the following brief, handy glossary:

Alpha. Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for "doesn't work."

Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work."

Computer. Instrument of torture. The first computer was invented by Roger "Duffy" Billingsly, a British scientist. In a plot to
overthrow Adolf Hitler, Duffy disguised himself as a German ally and offered his invention as a gift to the surly dictator. The plot worked. On April 8, 1945, Adolf became so enraged at the "Incompatible File Format" error message that he shot himself. The war ended soon after Hitler's death, and Duffy began working for IBM.

CPU. Central propulsion unit. The CPU is the computer's engine. It consists of a hard drive, an interface card and a tiny spinning
wheel that's powered by a running rodent - a gerbil if the machine is a old machine, a ferret if it's a Pentium and a ferret on speed if it's a Pentium II.

Default Directory. Black hole. Default directory is where all files that you need disappear to.

Error message. Terse, baffling remark used by programmers to place blame on users for the program's shortcomings.

File. A document that has been saved with an unidentifiable name. It helps to think of a file as something stored in a file cabinet - except when you try to remove the file, the cabinet gives you an electric shock and tells you the file format is unknown.

Hardware. Collective term for any computer-related object that can be kicked or battered.

Help. What we all need. Actually, it is the feature that assists in generating more questions. When the help feature is used correctly, users are able to navigate through a series of Help screens and end up where they started from without learning anything.

Input/Output. Information is input from the keyboard as intelligible data and output to the printer as unrecognizable junk.

Interim Release. A programmer's feeble attempt at repentance.

Memory. Of computer components, the most generous in terms of variety,
and the skimpiest in terms of quantity.

Printer. A joke in poor taste. A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

Programmers. Computer avengers. Once members of that group of high school nerds who wore tape on their glasses, played Dungeons and Dragons, and memorized Star Trek episodes; now millionaires who create "user-friendly" software to get revenge on whoever gave them noogies.

Reference Manual. Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg.

Scheduled Release Date. A carefully calculated date determined by estimating the actual shipping date and subtracting six months from it.

User-Friendly. Of or pertaining to any feature, device or concept that makes perfect sense to a programmer.

Users. Collective term for those who stare vacantly at a monitor. Users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert.

* Novice Users. People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.
* Intermediate Users. People who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it.
* Expert Users. People who break other people's computers.
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Michel Bugliaro Goggia, Designer SUP
Mon site web

[dirindal]

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iMac 24", Macbook 2.2, Canon MP 150, airport extrême N, Mini Duo, iPod 60Go, iPhone 1.1.1 TS, EyeTV et une boule de cristal cassée....

Aidez MacADSL - Faites vos emplettes sur l'AppleStore !

[gaspou]

Autre histoire en anglais, de saison (si on est optimiste), et vraie ! (contexte: bureau d'avocats).

N'ayant pas de code vestimentaire pour le "business casual" à Paris, je suis sûr que vous serez intéressé de voir ce qui peut se faire outre-atlantique dans nos bureaux de New-york et Washington et ce qui nous guette si nous ne faisons pas un minimum d'efforts de tenue!
Vous trouverez ci-dessous la note qui a été distribuée dans ces bureaux (certains termes techniques m'ont échappé, donc pas de questions!):

With spring here and summer upon us, I thought I would take this opportunity to remind everyone of the policy of dressing "business casual". All attorneys and staff are expected to exercise cautious discretion, taking into consideration the professional image of the Firm and the expectations of clients and visitors. We should anticipate that clients, professionals from other firms and colleagues from other offices (we are the only offices that have a "business casual" policy) will be in our offices from time to time and that Firm employees may be required to attend, without prior notice, meetings inside or outside the Firm where more formal attire would be appropriate. With that thought in mind, we ask that each attorney keep a suit, etc. on hand in the office for such situations. Of course, all staff should feel free to wear your suits at
any time!

Business Casual Guidelines
The following are examples of personal appearance that are not appropriate:
· Jeans/Denim pants of any color
· Blue denim shirts
· Untucked flannel shirts
· Sneakers
· Construction boots
· Shorts
· Leather pants or skirts
· T-shirts, sweatshirts or other similar shirts without collars
· Shirts with excessive patterns/loud colors
· Open-toed sandals
· Excessive or inappropriate jewelry
· Athletic wear
· Leggings
· Knee length or just-below-knee length style pants (aka "clam diggers")
· Halter or tank tops
· Mini-skirts (skirts shorter than 1" above the knee)
· Hats
· Unkempt, unclean, sloppy or other unprofessional attire

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact the HR department.


En fait, elle n'est pas drôle du tout cette histoire, car elle reflète un état d'esprit bien trop d'actualité

[hugdom]

[Tonton Jean]

Et aussi ce message qu'on trouve dans Photoshop, qui m'a toujours laissé un peu perplexe…:




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G4 Quicksilver 733, 1.1 GB, OS10.3

[Tonton Jean]

Toujours pour rester dans le délire informatique:

Quand les militaires américains voient un de leurs serveurs Web craqué par des méchants (sans doute venus de l' "Axe du Mal"…), au point de ne plus pouvoir le réparer pour le remettre en ligne, vous pensez qu'ils font quoi?
Lancent les missiles de croisière? Zappent le dossier Saddam.exe?
Pas du tout, ils font comme le surfeur de base dont la machine plante: ils contactent hot line Microsoft! Vous ne me croyez pas?
Lisez:


March 18, 2003
U.S. Army Web Server Attacked
By Dennis Fisher

Security experts say that the new Windows vulnerability revealed Monday by Microsoft Corp. has been used by crackers to attack at least one machine belonging to the U.S. Army. And, it turns out, the flaw used to attack the Web server was discovered not by Microsoft or an independent researcher, but by the attacker himself.

Experts at TruSecure Corp., based in Herndon, Va., received word of the attack on the Army's Web server last week through contacts within the Army. A Web server was attacked using a URL that was 4KB in length, and the machine was subsequently compromised. The server then immediately began mapping the network around it, looking for other vulnerable machines and seeing what else of interest was within reach. It then started sending the results of its mapping to a remote machine through TCP port 3389 using terminal services, said Russ Cooper, surgeon general at TruSecure.

Once the Army security staff realized the server had been compromised, it took the machine off-line and rebuilt it. But as soon as it was re-connected to the Internet, the server was compromised again. At that point, the Army personnel realized they were dealing with something new and went to Microsoft's support site and filled out a Web form describing the issue. By the end of last week, Microsoft officials had produced a patch for the issue, which turned out to be a vulnerability in a Windows 2000 component used by IIS.

Extrait de "eWeek News", très sérieux journal informatique en ligne, daté de ce jour.




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G4 Quicksilver 733, 1.1 GB, OS10.3